“By Friday my brain is full, it hurts, and it has stopped functioning correctly since sometime last Wednsday. So, at that point, I don’t want to think anymore, communicate clearly to anyone, or be nice anymore to anyone related to my job. It’s possible that a four day work week would solve this problem.”
Owen J. McClain

I realized last night that the reason I haven’t been writing much here lately is because much of what I would be writing about if I were writing is about work, which has pretty much taken up all my energy and mindspace for a while now. It’s always twitchy writing about work, even when you don’t have anything to complain about, which I don’t.

Part of it is that I am simply not interested in relating what I’ve done on a day-by-day or even a week-by-week basis. Once it’s done, it’s done. I don’t feel the need to record and share it. On the whole, what I do every day is pretty routine, and it’s hard to muster momentum to write about routine, even if it is a very pleasing routine.

I’m also mildly uncomfortable with the semi-public nature of my job. I worry that if I share here a cool blog or amazing artist that I’ve found in the course of putting together my magazines that other artists I’m working with might feel slighted because I didn’t mention them too. Which is really silly when you think about, because I doubt that very few (if any) of those artists bother to read this blog. Though they might, if I were talking about them. You see the potential dilemma?

Not to mention that I don’t know how my employers would feel about my sharing more intimate details of what goes on around here, even if I don’t have anything bad to say.

It’s just twitchy.

And then there are the things that I definitely want to share, but am almost afraid to because they are huge and wonderful and terrifying all at the same time, and writing about them, sharing them, makes them somehow more real then they already are. Like the fact that the company has decided to launch a literary magazine next year and have asked me to lead the publication. Do you like the way I’ve buried that in the middle of the paragraph, so that maybe you won’t notice? Tricky, aren’t I?

“Well, Stace,” you are no doubt saying, “surely there are many other things you could blog about.”

Yes, yes. That should be true. Only I would have to have more time and energy to actually accomplish other things about which I could then blog. Writing, for instance. My illness in December (combined with busy work time and holiday furor) hijacked my efforts to get a particular story polished and submitted, and I haven’t yet gotten back on that horse (aside from a few stolen moments while waiting on a mechanic). And the novel? The novel I’m supposed to have finished by next November? Hah. I can’t even keep my mind on that for more than a few moments before I’m diverted by various work issues (which is a good thing when I’m actually at work, but not so good when I am elsewhere). I am certainly not abandoning it, nosiree, but rather need a good swift kick in the pants to get the gears moving again. Actually, making a better effort to blog will help, I think — while blogging is a distraction itself, it does help to train the mind from only thinking about one’s job all the time. And maybe, just maybe, some of you will help encourage me by nagging me to keep on track, as far as that’s concerned.

I’m still attending my writing group, too, which I love. Great group. And I will keep going Thursday nights, even though it’s going to mean missing Lost when it starts up again next week… (hey, when you only watch two shows regularly (aside from kid shows like Hannah Montana and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends and Pokemon which you seem to watch constantly) you really make an effort to see them when they air).

And of course, I could always blog about all the joys and traumas that go along with life, such as:

• Lucy’s going to be playing a violin solo at their upcoming performance
• Anna has two loose teeth. Not very loose yet, at least they weren’t when she came in and woke me up Sunday morning to share…
• I bought a new car! Well, not brand new — a 2006 Nissan Sentra, but it’s the newest car I have ever owned myself. It’s also the first car I’ve ever purchased myself, having always inherited them from relatives and the like. The whole last week is rather a blur of car-buying-induced stress, starting from the moment the ‘94 Buick I was driving died on the way to work. But I came out of the whole thing with a shiny gold car, and let the girls convince me to adorn her with leopard print floor mats and steering wheel cover. We’re calling her “Kitty.”
  

My trip into Colorstrology reminded me of a story told to me by my high school government teacher.

It seems, as a kindergartner, he was called into the principal’s office for a meeting with his mother. With serious, concerned expressions on their adult faces, they asked the youngster, “Why do you draw all your pictures with black crayon?”

Imagine their worry, that such a young lad was so consumed with dark imagery! What could have happened to drive him into such depression?

But my teacher had less emotional baggage then they feared.

“It’s the only color nobody else ever wants to use.”

So he wasn’t necessarily a sociopath in the making … but I’d guess he had some issues with sharing.

I’m curious now if black turns up as the personal color for any of the birthdays over on the Colorstrology site. And if so, what sort of positive meaning do they draw from it?

I tend to take this sort of thing with a grain of salt, but I love to share the results when this sort of personality predictor matches my own self-impressions. How could I resist this one?

Your Birthday: 03.30

FADED ROSE
PANTONE® 18-1629
STORYTELLER
THINKER
MESSENGER

PEOPLE BORN on this day tend to teach others through the stories they share. Whether you are singing a song, writing a play or painting a picture, you are able to convey images and emotions that can affect others. It is very important for you to stay active and communicate. Your thoughts can turn to worry if you are not expressing yourself and connecting with the world at large. Your personal color embodies love, passion and courage. Wearing, meditating or surrounding yourself with Faded Rose lends you courage and enthusiasm as you connect with others and find your place in the circle of life.

Okay, so I not only failed to resist, I changed my whole blog layout to coordinate — I wanted a new look, anyway, and Faded Rose seemed as good a theme as any. It still needs some tweaking, and I’d like to get a more visually interesting header up at the top. But this will do for now. At least…until I get sick of the pink!

What about you? What’s your Colorstrology?